You ever woke up so hungover and you roll over and Holy Hiccups! there’s something really ugly in your bed and you don’t remember putting it [...]
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You all know the song. It will drag people to a dance floor at a lame-ass wedding just like the stupid electric slide. Don’t be ashamed. It’s fun! But, let’s talk about street fairs. You know the signage-No Shoes, No Shirt…There’s a reason [...] In the days of economic crisis and cutbacks and layoffs you can be calmed by the fact that when the going gets tough you can always have a lucrative yard sale. For some people shopping is a release, a natural high and an escape-much like television, books or video games for others. So when Target and the mall are out of the question, yard sales, flea markets and thrift stores fill the void. This is a good thing! This encourages recycling and reusing of goods! It lets the Brave Little Toaster move on to another happy [...] We have now entered the zone of Spring where we see 3 crosses draped in purple or flowers in front of churches. We see ornate flower and egg wreaths on residential door fronts and we see PEEPS spilling out of every endcap in every store in town! Easter-the holiday that every vacuum cleaner dreads! Having to inhale miles of Easter grass that then wraps around their wheels and smells like burning Barbie for 6 months! My vacuum is usually an avant-garde collage of German Shepherd hair, Christmas tree hooks and Easter Grass. Perhaps I should remove the vacuum brush and sell it on Etsy as,”The Backlash of Suburbia.” I like it, [...] No, this is not my shoe size. It’s the name of my new bank. Has anyone out there read the entire health bill? If this thing passes whole-hog, the government will have the right to delve into my paltry bank account to divvy up funds as they see fit to fund illegals medical bills. Uhhhh? Why would I want to do that? I’m still chipping away at my own medical bills! [...] |
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