Everyone has certain “things” they enjoy about potential mates. Be it the ability to drive a stick shift or shoot a deer, one person’s mundane skill could be the golden ticket of one horny individual. It is thanks to these impulses that the human race finds the will to re-spawn and that furry porn continues to thrive.
Because I have no shame, I will share the things that deactivate my intellectual mind and cause me to weep uncontrollably in regret twenty minutes later.
1. Librarians
Defenders of the Dewey Decimal System, these educated vixens know where I can get an unabridged volume on near-sighted mating. The combination of glasses and hot khaki slacks could make anyone forget about the homeless people in the computer lab playing MineSweeper. Ooh, those hushed environs that force me to be quiet as I try to cop an electric feel without a tour group catching me. Yum.
2. Rainbow Socks
Socks are great, sure, since they keep your feet warm and repel dust bunnies. However, when a woman dons a pair of multi-colored moccasins, I lose it and demand physical satisfaction. Essentially, a lady that wears rainbow socks is saying to me that:
- She is cute and fun.
- She enjoys wearing over-sized T-Shirts.
- She’ll laugh in my face as she stabs me with a red-hot knife in my sleep.
Rainbow socks are the best.
3. Skilled Nurses
Nurses are attractive, sure, but I don’t really feel a primal surge whenever I see one merely standing before me with a fresh syringe and Red Cross cap. She has to be doing something, a trained art, an ability that takes years to master.
She has to be performing surgery.
Not just wimpy collarbone stuff, either. I want her with a surgical mask, in bloody scrubs, shouting at her co-workers over a calloused liver. God, just thinking about it almost prevents me from typing. Oh, and when she accidentally gets a scalpel stuck in someone’s larnyx…she had better stay away from me if she wants to be able to walk tomorrow.
