Squirrel Ugly

You ever woke up so hungover and you roll over and Holy Hiccups! there’s something really ugly in your bed and you don’t remember putting it there? Well, that’s what happened to me Sunday when I woke up except, sadly, I was not hungover-just exhausted-and I woke up to a weird sensation on the back of my neck and when I rolled over-there was the squirrel. Yeah, you knew by now I was not going to have had an exciting Saturday night out where I would have brought someone home, oh no. Instead, one of my felines, out of undying gratitude for the salmon-pistachio patties my menfolk spurned that they were the happy recipients of, put a maimed squirrel on my M-FIN PILLOW. I ask you. Can you envision that? Do you see why I’m not on any kind of illegal drug? I’d be sooo scared-all the time! So, I don’t know what the poor squirrel’s crime was that he had to be sacrificed to the Queen of Salmon Patties, but he was and it was nasty. (I actually loathe squirrels, so I hope the lady that swerved and rolled her car on River Road doesn’t read this and come after my cats with the PETA people.)

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