First of all, I hope this letter finds you well. I’m sure that it does considering you rake in the big bucks doing… well I don’t exactly know what it is you do. For your job I mean. Of course, it’s quite publicized what you do in your free time. And I’m not sure I approve. But then again, it’s not up to me.

What I wanted to talk to you about is: you need to really be better about not getting caught doing things you’re not supposed to be doing. I’m personally becoming sick of turning on the TV and seeing scandal after scandal regarding congressmen and governors and presidents being stupid and uncool. Honestly, I feel like I hear more about their private lives than the activities that they engage in that ACTUALLY concern their constituents – more “love” than laws, if you get my drift.

As a teenager, I hide things from people all the time – from my parents, from my friends, from my teachers – and I very rarely get caught. SO I would like to offer some advice.

1)      When lying, do not make up a lie that is too big. If you’ve ever heard the anecdote about being in a hole and just digging it deeper, think about that. The bigger the lie, the more lies you will have to make up to cover it. For example, when flying to Argentina to visit your mistress, do not say that you are hiking the Appalachian Trail. Your wife will undoubtedly wonder why you need a passport to go to the mountain in the next state over and you will have to make up a lie to cover that, etc.

2)      If you are caught, be caught. Accept it. The more you evade the inevitable, the bigger of a deal that it becomes. Saying “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” assertively after you’ve been caught, does not make it all go away.

3)      Lie by yourself. Do not bring others into it. Chances are, when in a high profile position, those who work for you are probably only looking to further their careers, not be your best friend and confidant. Also, when you do stupid things, and they write it down because you brought them into it, they’ll probably make a lot of money handing those writings off to a publisher. And then you will be sorry.

Well, that’s all the advice I have for now. But I’ll leave you with one last thing: DO YOUR JOBS; do them well and do not let personal matters get in the way of your helping those that count on you. If you focus on what you’re supposed to be doing, rather than what’s in your pants wants to be doing, I feel like we’ll all probably be a bit better off.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Citizen

Also, I might add, these are not “locked channels” and, more often than not, they do not have any clear guidelines as to who should and should not watch them. As an older sister, I do not want to explain to my little siblings what a “menage a tois” is or what it involves. As a daughter, I do not want to sit there with my parents in the room while two 13 year olds make out on the television and talk about their sex lives.

At this point in my life, I am quite uncomfortable with the subject, as it is generally frowned upon by the elder generation for me to know anything about it. Well, how can I pretend to be ignorant when the topic is blared practically on loud speakers around our society?

So, here is my plea to the media: if you wouldn’t want your 5 year old watching it, don’t show it. If you wouldn’t want to explain it to your child, don’t show it. If you don’t want to watch it with your great grandmother, don’t show it. Overall, if its obviously inappropriate, DON’T SHOW IT!

to be continued…

As a senior, prom is especially a big deal to me. But, as a non-working senior, prom also involves a multitude of tough negotiations with my parents, let-downs, tears over dresses, etc. ‘Why’, you might ask? Because everything is so gosh-darned expensive!

Not only do I have to deal with the emotional taxation of trying on dresses (which, by the way, are not sized consistently – I think just to make me feel bad about myself), but also the literal taxation upon my wallet.

As if the ticket price itself were not bad enough ($50!!!), I went dress shopping this weekend. I found a perfectly average purple dress on major clearance at Macy’s and let me just tell you right now, it was way better than anything I ever suspected I could afford. But, it was missing that certain magical element. Every girl wants to feel like a princess at prom. Even if you wear jeans and sweatshirts and tennis shoes to school every day (guilty), you still want your life to be a fairytale for just one night.

After making my purchase, I put my dress in the car, and then I got to thinking. Thinking, in this case, was a bad, bad idea. I thought to myself, “what if they’re having a major sale at Nordstrom’s? I wouldn’t want to miss out.” So I pranced my stupid butt right on up that escalator back into the mall. I shyly crept into the Nordstrom’s special occasion section and was relieved; none of these dresses were much better than mine *silent cheer*! But then, it happened. I turned around and there, hanging amidst the only-slightly-above-average dresses, was the most beautiful gown to ever have been designed by any designer in the whole universe.

I won’t try to describe it here because there’s simply no way that I could do it justice, but it was just one of those things that makes your heart stop and melt a little bit. I drifted dreamily over to the rack on which it hung so inconspicuously. I felt the soft, beautiful material slide between my fingers and I was just in awe. Then, I flipped over the tag to see how much it cost. Then, I almost flipped myself over from sheer shock. The dress was almost $500!! AND IT WAS IN THE PROM SECTION! I mean, come on. What high schooler can afford a $500 dress??

Heartbroken, I’m sitting here now with my very nice purple dress, daydreaming about the expensive piece of wearable art that can never be mine. What happened to the days when people made their own dresses and prom was held in a gym? What tells us that expensive is better and thus more “magical?” I surely don’t know, but I certainly wish that whatever that thing is, it would leave me alone.

But last Sunday, my priest said something that really hit home. He referred to the story of Jesus’ 40 days in the desert. At the end of these 40 days, during which Christ had been starved and dehydrated and weakened by the desert conditions, the devil visits him and tries to tempt him with power and other enticing things, but Christ shows his strength of will by denying each temptation.

So, my priest asked, how can we hold ourselves to any lesser standards? Well, I thought, he was the son of God and I am just a lowly, sinful human. But then my priest turned around and addressed that very thought like he was reading my mind. “We are all children of God.” We are asked to emulate the way that Christ lived his life and, through that, find salvation.

Well, then I’m screwed. I thought back on the past year and tried to figure out which of the 7 deadly sins I’d committed:

Extravagance? I’m not going to lie; I have way too many shoes to plead innocent to this one. Gluttony? See note about “giant sweet tooth” above. Greed? I think I might be safe on that one. Discouragement? Well, exam week just passed and I’m pretty sure I was about as pessimistic as it gets. Sloth? Most of my Saturday mornings consist of sitting on my couch watching Law and Order marathons, so… Pride and Envy? I’m pretty sure that those come with the high school territory.

I mean, think about it. Who, in our current society, isn’t screwed?